Estate planning often reveals more about family dynamics than any holiday gathering ever could. Recently, I had an experience in my law firm that perfectly illustrates a common — and growing — problem: adult children feeling entitled to their parents’ assets.

It’s a story worth sharing, because it highlights a simple truth many people forget.

A Grandmother’s Plan, and the Reactions That Followed

A woman came into my office wanting to update her estate plan. She wasn’t making dramatic changes — just setting aside a modest gift for her grandchildren. Naturally, that meant a slightly smaller share for her children.

We talked through her options, started drafting the documents, and everything seemed straightforward… until she called the next day and said:

“Pause the work. All the kids are upset.”

Her children were angry that she wanted to give their kids a little money.

And that’s when things got interesting.

A Reminder Many Families Need to Hear

Situations like this inspired me to send out a reminder to my newsletter subscribers — a reminder I’ll share here too:

Your parents’ money is not your money.

They earned it.
They saved it.
They invested it.
They watched it grow.

And because it belongs to them, they have every right to use it, spend it, gift it, or leave it to whomever they choose.

Entitlement has no place in estate planning.

What I Tell Every Parent Who Meets With Me

When people come into my office, I tell them the same thing:

Do whatever you want with your money.

You are under no obligation to leave it to your kids.
Your kids are not entitled to receive it.
And you are not required to tell them how your estate plan works.

In fact, sometimes keeping the details private prevents unnecessary drama.

The Bottom Line

If you’re a parent doing your estate planning, give yourself permission to make decisions based on your values — not on fear of how your kids might react.

And if you’re the child in this scenario? Remember: generosity is a gift, not an obligation.

Rant over.