This week, we’re talking about what Covid-19 and your crazy outcast family member have in common.

Let’s get into it.

1. Accept It and Deal With It.

When it comes to coronavirus and that relative that just seems to cause trouble all the time, one thing is certain.

They are not going anywhere any time soon.

We can’t get rid of them. They don’t want to leave. It’s a veritable stalemate.

When those types of situations arise, there is only one true solution. Accept it and deal with it.

What does that mean exactly?

It really means two things.

First, stop whining about it. Stop worrying about it. Stop feeling anxious about it. ALL of that is wasted energy. It may make you feel good in the moment, but all in all it’s destructive behavior (for you – the virus and your family member don’t care).

Second, stop expecting or demanding change.

While I hope none of you rise to the level of crazy outcast family member, we all have our eccentricities, our habits, our values and philosophies. Imagine someone trying to change yours.

Will it work? Probably not.

So what makes you think your request to Cousin Judy to stop being so passive aggressive all the time is going to magically change her behavior?

And, well, with the virus, we all know it’s just going to do whatever it wants.

But that doesn’t mean we just give up. That’s brings us to point number 2.

2. Work Within the Parameters to Meet Your Goals.

If you all don’t know much about me, here’s a little inside peek. I like physical activity. I’m one of those weird people that likes going to the gym.

Seriously. I do some form of physical activity pretty much every day.

And when the coronavirus closed all the gyms I was upset. I was frustrated. I was sad.

But you know what I didn’t do? I didn’t cuss the gym. I didn’t cuss the governor. I didn’t cuss the virus. I didn’t blame anyone or anything.

I just went on Offerup and bought a few things that would let me keep doing enough activity at home for the time being to keep me happy.

And this is the same thing you should be doing with the virus and with your crazy family member.

The way I try to think about it is like this. I imagine I’m in a video game and the video game has certain rules (like a pandemic virus or a neurotic family member).

In the game I don’t whine and cry about how hard it is or how unfair it is or how I wish the game would just change the rules.

I just try to win the game as is.

And you can do the same.

Take what you’re given and start looking for solutions instead of roadblocks.

When it comes to the virus, find anything you can that can keep you going until this thing is over, and, while you keep looking for better solutions, embrace your solution and take satisfaction in that.

When it comes to family, think about the things you control about the situation and maximize your output with those things.

Two quick examples.

First, let’s continue with the passive-aggressiveness. Family night is coming up and you KNOW some thing’s going down with Uncle Cornstarch (I don’t know where I get these names).

You make it a point going into family night not to get triggered by Cornstarch. Instead, at every comment, at every turn, you are going to respond with MORE KINDNESS.

Second, let’s say Cornstarch is bad with money and you think is going to try to steal everything when mom passes away. Assuming mom agrees, instead of cutting Cornstarch out of the picture you create a structure that minimizes or eliminates any control over the situation.

Make sense? Great!

Just remember, you are in control of a LOT of your life. Focus on those things to minimize those things that you are not in control of.

Cheers,

Christopher Small
CMS Law Firm LLC

PS – of course we’re here if you need estate planning or probate help. Click here to talk estate planning. Click here to talk probate.